Every little girl dreams about having her first baby! What it will be like. What he or she will look like. How hard it will be. When it will happen is something we don’t entirely dream about… When it isn’t something that come naturally you are shocked, embarrassed and sad!
When we were married August 12th, 2005 having babies was the furthest thing from my mind. I wanted to play and travel and work. But when the time came that I started thinking about it I dreamt of all those things! I dreamt about dressing my baby up and cuddling my baby and waking up in the middle of the night with my baby. I dreamt about all 3 of us cuddling in bed in the mornings and sneaking up to wake Daddy up from a nap! We would just lay their and cuddle and admire our sweet baby.
When it wasn’t happening like we planned I wanted that baby so bad I couldn’t see straight!……That’s right…I said BABY- singular….I never dreamed in a thousand years what was about to happen to us! I fought so hard for that one baby and God said “Wait! I have a bigger plan for you! It’s not going to be easy but it will be worth it! You need more time to be more prepared!”
He had a bigger plan for me! One that I NEEDED to wait for. One that I may have not been appreciative of if it would have happened sooner. One that I needed to grow a little for. Now that I look back AFTER seeing my blessing I know I would wait a thousand years for these babies if I had to! I would do anything for them! I would die for them! These are my children and I wouldn’t have it any other way! I feel blessed beyond measure to call these littles my own!
Photos by: Loni Smith
The Mama bear has come out! My mother looked at our new family picture and described it perfectly….
Photo by: Loni Smith
She said “You look fierce! Kinda like you are saying ‘Don’t mess with my babies!”
It’s so true! Maybe it’s because I had to fight so hard for them or maybe it’s because they had to fight so hard to get here but either way I will protect them with every fiber of my being! Who knew you could love something, or in my case, 4 something’s so much?
I always find it a little funny when people I don’t know or who don’t know me find out that I have quadruplets. their first response to me is “QUADRUPLETS? 4 BABIES? I’m so sorry!”
Sorry???? Why are you sorry for me having my 4 beautiful children? Why are you sorry that I am the luckiest girl on the planet? Why are you sorry that all my dreams I never knew I wanted have come true?
Then one time someone said to me “Glad it’s you and not me!” I simply agreed. When I got into my car after this hurtful comment I was fuming! Why wouldn’t anyone want what I have been so richly blessed with? My babies are so beautiful and perfect and I just didn’t understand. I was driving and pondering this and realized something profound! Of course they feel that way….8 years ago I probably would have felt the same way. Quadruplets IS scary and that’s why God held me off for 8 long years. He wanted to make sure I was fully prepared for this gift! A true gift that I wouldn’t take for granted or resent! One that I would be so grateful for! One that because I went through so much don’t understand why not everyone would want this! But that’s just it…I was the one who went through so much. This was my experience. This was my trial and that is why only I was the one who could see the true beauty of it all the time. God hasn’t prepared everyone for this blessing. But he has prepared them for other blessings in life, ones that I probably won’t get. That’s what beautiful about the world. We are all different. We all handle things different and we all have different callings in life. This is mine and I choose to love it. It IS hard! It wasn’t what I prayed for, but it is what I needed! This is my calling in life and I love it! These are my children and no one needs to be sorry for me for having them…I want them! Any yes I am happy it is me and not you! I wouldn’t have it any other way!
I often think now “How did I get so lucky? How come I was so blessed to go through this trial and have this be my outcome? Are these babies are really all mine?” We are blessed beyond measure and I thank my Father in Heaven every single day!
Photo and headbands by: Vanilla Tree Photography
Photography: Loni Smith
Floral Crowns: Amelia & Paprika
Purple dress: Sew Trendy Accessories
Flower headbands: Vanilla Tree Photography