Tonight something magical happened, it is something that is as rare as a unicorn in this house, and I soaked it all up….
Today was a rough day for me, it was my morning to get up with the girls and for some reason they were SUPER grumpy. Ok, I’m sure the reason is that their whole routine is getting switched up right now and they aren’t too comfortable. We are switching them from two naps a day down to one nap, and switching them over to whole milk. They have been grumpy the last few days as we are trying to adjust them to their new schedule.
This morning I was just tired (imagine that) and they all needed my attention all at once. One thing I struggle with so much emotionally as a mother of multiples is that I feel like I’m spread so thin that I’m never sure all of them got the amount of love I would like them to every day from me. I try so hard to give them one on one time every day but honestly between all 4 girls, a dog (he might be more needy than the girls) a husband and running our own business it just doesn’t feel like it happens. That’s where my mother guilt kicks in.
Every night when we lay them down I try to give them all their own special time one on one by reading them their own book and squeezing them, kissing them and telling them I love them individually as we tuck them in….I still feel like I come up short every day.
Tonight I was done and was more than ready for the girls to go to bed because once they go to bed we still have a few hours of work we need to get done every night. We put them in bed, and I went to my 90 miles an hour mode trying to finish things up because I just wanted to go to bed! The girls had been sleeping for about an hour and we heard Indie start crying, Tyson went in to check on her and he picked her up. She laid her head down on his shoulder (never happens, these babies are NOT snugly babies) He brought her in to me and told me she needed her mama. I had so much to do but she needed me, he handed her to me and she laid her little tiny head on my chest and my heart melted.
My thought I think daily came to my head ‘did I give her enough love today?’ She needed me and in that moment but I needed her more than she needed me. Everything instantly slowed down, that list of things I had to do so I could just go to bed didn’t matter anymore, only one thing mattered, giving her every last ounce of energy I had.
Indie fell asleep on me….I haven’t had one of them fall sleep on me since they were newborns, these girls WON’T sleep unless they are in their own beds. I needed this so much tonight. Tyson went to shower and I just snuggled her. We both fell asleep for a little bit and Tyson caught a picture of this beautiful moment that I will cherish forever.
Tonight Indie taught me a really good life lesson, slow down and look for those little moments. I tend to be trying to get so much done that I miss a lot. She also taught me that I’m doing a great job as a Mom of multiples. She didn’t wake up because she needed ME, she woke up because she knew I needed HER.
I think as mothers we are constantly running a million miles a minute and just trying to survive and we all feel this guilt often. We are women need to remember that we are all doing the best we can and that is great! We need to stop being so hard on ourselves and we also need to remember to slow down sometimes. These moments pass so quickly and if we aren’t watching for them we miss out on special opportunities to be changed.
HEY, YOU! You are doing awesome. Keep up the good work and carry on mama!
Thank you for snuggling me my sweet Indie Pie, and thank you for choosing me to be your mommy. Tonight my heart is full.