8 years of infertility made this the hardest day of the year for me at one point. I felt like I was living in a world I didn’t belong in. I felt as if this day was for all those women who accomplished something that I wasn’t able to, despite all my best efforts.
Tyson would always do his best to make it special for me because he knew of all my hurt and pain inside. He would always tell me I was the best mom to Bentley and to all our nieces and nephews. On Mother’s Day the last few years before our miracle happened he would always send me flowers from Bentley…
On the last year before my miracle so many people started joining in on his plan and many would send me cards and flowers and treats on this day, it meant so much to me and helped ease the pain so much but in my head I still wasn’t a ‘Mother’.
Why is it that this world is so technical with the word ‘Mother’? When God put man here on this earth he placed Eve in the Garden of Eden and named her ‘The Mother Of All Living’. God himself named her a mother before she even had children to take care of. She had all living things to take care of as all of us women do today.
When I was in the depths of my infertility battle, the lowest point in my life I can remember I was selling myself short. I was stuck with what the world was telling me the definition of ‘Mother’ was, and in my head I was not what the world told me I was suppose to be. Since when do we let the world control our thoughts and our feelings?
For years I was missing out on the blessing of Motherhood that was right there slapping me in the face every single day. I had been given the gift to love and nurture plenty of things. God was placing opportunities in my path left and right trying to show me what I did have that I was taking for granted.
As women we are sent here with our motherly instinct and our nurturing nature. We are softer and kinder and more loving because of this divine gift we have been giving to be ‘the mother of all living’. I was so blind at times and let jealousy and anger get the best of me.
At this time in my life when I started to see the gifts I had been given of Motherhood I was a nanny for my sister caring and loving my nieces and nephews. They truly loved me like I was one of their mothers and I loved them like they were my own. I was given the gift to be a mother in a different way. God was giving me a gift to help ease my pain till it was my turn and I at times couldn’t see it for what it was. I was looking at it one way, and it was the negative way. The way Satan would want me to see it, that I was still not a mother and that this was a reminder that I might never be. HE WAS WRONG! I WAS WRONG! I WAS a Mother!
I have been a mother for 28 years now! From the time I first picked up a baby doll and gave it a love, from the first time I helped a child or animal who was hurt or in need, when I was there to listen and help a friend. I was just too dumb to see it!
I remember the day I turned my attitude around about my infertility struggle….when I finally did it wasn’t such a ‘struggle’ anymore. Was it still hard? Yes. Was it still painful at times? Yes. But now I was letting the small things ease my pain and give me joy.
Oh this day of Mother’s Day I celebrate ALL women of all ages! You are a Mother now! I will always celebrate the children around me (and Bentley of course) who made me a Mother before the world saw me as a Mother! They made me a mother and I am so grateful for them.
To all of you still in the depths of your infertility struggle, I know how you feel, I’ve been there! I am so so sorry you are going through this. Try to find joy in the little thing because I know they will being you through your trial. Happy Mother’s Day to you because I know you are a mother to someone! Celebrate YOU today! You deserve it! Remember that Gods timing is always perfect. It’s not ever our timing but there is a purpose and a reason for all of what you are going though and He will always make it right. Keep pushing forward and love with all you have.
Happy Mother’s Day to my beautiful mother and mother in law! Thank you for always being there when I needed you and for mothering me and loving me unconditionally and now loving my babies.
Happy Mother’s Day to my sister’s and Thank you for sharing your babies with me and letting me be a Mother to them. It helped me more than you will ever know.
Happy Mother’s Day to My sister in laws! To Denver who also shared her beautiful children with me and for Madison for already being a mother to so many including my babies.
And Happy Mother’s Day to all that have been mother figures to me in this lifetime including my Aunt, Great Aunts, Friends, church leaders, school teachers, all of you and every other woman who has touched my life. Thank you for being strong women that this world needs.
Last but not least a very happy Mother’s Day to my baby girls. Thank you for choosing me to be your mommy and for being my babies. I am so blessed and these blessings came long after a lot of hard lessons learned but I would do it all over again for these sweet miracles in my life. Thank you for making me a mother in a way that I wasn’t already one before and for loving me unconditionally. I will celebrate you every day of your lives. Thank you for being you.
-The Once Infertile Quad Mama
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